Everything Has Beauty

i CANT ALWAYS BE THE ONE TO TAKE THE STEPS

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 21:16:09 GMT

life. what would i do without you?
not be here, thats for sure.
lately, ive been completely enjoying you.
somethings been shining down on me.
and im not complaining.
its been quite wonderful.
thank you.

my aunt.
shes one of my heros.
she would give anything for my cousin.
actually, she has given everything for her.
&somehow, she just keeps giving more.
shes becoming a foster mom.
im so proud of her.
she will be fully certified within three weeks.
&because im over eighteen.
i can babysit for her.
i have to go through some tests &whatnot.
shes going to set everything up for me.
i love babysitting.
i figured it was the least i could do for her.
&well, for my cousin.
because they mean so much to me.

my aunt and cousins came over for thanksgiving last night.
we all just sat around talking, watching tv, and looking at the sales papers.
it was fun.
all of us.
being together.
watching maison run around.
a little kids innocence amazes me.
i really love it.

ive always believed that wishes came true.
it had just never happened to me before.
well, wouldnt you know.
it finally happened.
after wishing for the same thing,
it finally came true.
it was. . . amazing.
all those silly little reasons there are to make a wish.
t h e y w o r k .
holding your breath going under tunnels.
making a wish on the first star you see.
11.11.
12.34.
gosh darn.
it works.
at least it did for me.
took a while.
but it happened :)

christmas is coming.
i cant wait.
i love it.
oh so much.
i might go to florida a couple of days after christmas.
i couldnt be more excited about it.
going down there,
gosh.
i love it so much.
my grandparents.
they amaze me.
their love for me.
i cant even believe it sometimes.
i hope that i never disappoint them.
and work.
i love work down there.
there are so many people.
i love all of them.
cant wait to see them.

i have some really wonderful friends.
actually, i have a lot of friends.
and they all amaze me beyond believe.
their love and compassion for things.
its so. huge.
i cant even believe it sometimes.
im so blessed to have them.
i wouldnt be as far as i am without them.
they all give me something different.
but its so unique and special.

i really love my camera.
i think its pretty cute.
&jeana &i have the same one.
although hers is broken.
i cant get it to hook up to the laptop.
i wish it would.
so i could show everyone the pictures i have.
mostly from the football games.
because thats what i do.
:)

sorry if you read all this.
didnt mean to waste your time.
hope youre having a wonderful break.

THiS iSN`T A REAL ENTRY BUT OH WELL :)

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 01:47:47 GMT

so yeah. not a real entry. but whatever :P

Once you are tagged you MUST write an entry about 6 weird habits/things you do/odd information, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.

1- i count. in my head. all the time. random things. for no reason. not really sure why i do it, but i do. i cant really remember a time when i didnt do it. hah.

2- i brush my hair. all the time. just because i can. anytime i walk into my room, chances are im going to brush through my hair within five minutes of being in there.

3- i give advice all the time. its one of my favorite things to do. its something im good at. but when it comes to myself, i rarely know what to do.

4- im almost eighteen. i dont have my drivers license. it doesnt bother me. please dont bug me about it.

5- i adore my friends. not because they are cool. or they are nice. or we have a good time together. thats all just a plus. i love them because they are all different. i can learn from them. i love things that are unique. all of them are. i like learning. especially about people.

6- pictures are amazing. i love taking pictures of anything. but im not a fan of having my picture taken. its very rare that i want my picture taken or that ill give in and let someone take pictures of me.

hm. who should i tag? i dont know. hahah. whoever wants to do it :)

i love you guys. <3

"BE GREAT IN ACT AS YOU HAVE BEEN IN THOUGHT" --SHAKESPEARE

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 20:43:28 GMT

so, last night was definitely a night of thinking.

i thought about how much i love adrienne. &how amazing our notebook is-- its become a lifeline for us. &how she has helped me with everything this year. she knows me better than anyone. she knows things about me that i could never tell other people. she can look at me &in a split second she knows everything thats going through my mind. &i love being her twin. its crazy. we are so parallel with so many things, yet we are so different. idk, we just mesh. i love it. &i love her more.

i thought about how much i love kristin. shes become one of my best friends in such a short period of time. i have learned to confide in her. &it feels wonderful to have someone to turn to. she has become one of the biggest sources of my happiness. i see her face &it just makes me smile. she is such a happy and down-to-earth person. we have wonderful conversations and times together. she helps keep me grounded and sane. i guess thats why i love her so much. she's amazing.

and then i thought about my dad. i took a survey last night &it asked when the last time i had seen my dad. and i thought about it &i couldnt really remember. &that hurt. it hurt a lot. i miss my dad. i miss the times when he was actually there. when he was a part of my everyday life. when i felt like he loved me. i know that hes always loved me. but sometimes it just doesnt feel like he does. he missed my birthday. he didnt even call me to tell me happy birthday. and while it might not have been my sweet sixteen or my eighteenth, its STILL my birthday. and that still agravates the hell out of me. it makes me feel like im not good enough for him. like im unworthy. and that disgusts me. and then christmas. he didnt come. he didnt even call. and christmas is one of my favorites. i get to see all my family. but in actuality, i didnt get two of my huge family christmases. and one of them was his fault. it was his fault because he wasnt there. and i hate him for it. &what makes it even worse is, i know that something is wrong. i havent seen him in over 15 months. i havent talked to in at least 4 months. his phone is turned off. and i dont know. i just dont. i dont want to care anymore. im tired of caring. but no matter how much i want to stop caring, my heart never could. my heart would never let me do something like that. because i do care. i truly do care. it just hurts. it hurts to care. and i absolutely hate that. i hate hurting. &im tired of caring. i dont feel like he does. &that angers me. &this just isnt going anywhere.

then, i got annoyed because i hate waiting. waiting is something i dont tend to do well. but im kind of forced to. because im not giving up until i get my answer. &im worried about the whole ordeal. i totally put myself out there. i poured my heart out. &thats all i can do. im completely out there. waiting. and im bored. just tell me already. grr. whatever. itll be over soon enough.

so, im done rambling. ill be home on saturday afternoon-ish. then sometime after that, ill be off to a uga gymnastics meet with miss liz. :) then hopefully ill be able to go to six flags with miss harmon, homeboy, &emily. gahhh. im excited.

i was glad to hear that louie &missa's surgeries both went ok. however, they are both in pain. but they'll be good as new soon. and i love them both imensely. <33

everyone else- have a fabulous rest of your spring break. :)

i love you. <33
later.

Our Friendship Is Different From Everyone Else

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 22:49:50 GMT

i love my friends.
because they are amazing.

adrienne: ahh. you are my hero. i learned how to trust someone. im glad it was you.
kristin: i love my wife. end of story. thanks for always being there for me.
kim: you are so cute. glad we started talking.
cris: ahh. glad i get to hang out with you in language arts.
chris: what would i do without you in german? yeah--idk either. lol
liz: cant wait for another uga night so we can hang out.
jeana: love rockin out, &dancing, with you in yo car.
brittany: german is boring. but glad you are with me.
ashley: i miss sitting behind you. im on the other side of the room :(
carlos: goshhhh. i love you. you make me smile.
lauren: hah. you are too cute giiiirl. i miss our signs.
arch: i miss you in math. you should come back.
melissa: i think id die without you in physics. glad we get to hang out. :)
english: you always make me laugh. no matter what.
mark: ahh. i love your hugs. you are amazing.
kyla: girlfriend, i love you. too bad we cant really talk in band.
roger: too much fun hanging out with you.
kristen: i won. every game we played. hahah
johnathan: thanks for listening to me. it means the world.
matt b: gooossshhhh, i love you. not even kidding.
mandie: you are so sweet. i love seeing you everyday.

just some of my awesome friends.
sorry if i forgot you.
it wasnt on purpose.
<333

--Christina: your name was DEFINITELY on there. but my computer froze. i thought your name was still on there. im SOOOO sorry. but anyways, you are absolutely one of the most amazing people i have ever met. and i cant imagine where i would be without you. i love you so much. <33

and it only gets better from here.

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 01:23:53 GMT

the last two days i feel like i hit rock bottom. and if i didnt, i was close.

i spent the last 12 hours being mad at one of the most amazing people. ever. but, we are ok now. and i feel a lot better. because its all going to work out. and i learned im going to have to trust him a little more. and thats going to be hard. because i dont think i really know how to trust someone. but im going to work on trusting him. i think he deserves it. i give him hell sometimes, and he STiLL puts up with me. im lucky.

and i think i have come to the conclusion that if i had to let one person rule my life, it would be adrienne. because she rocks. shes my twin. and we share a heart. out of all my closest friends, i talk to her the least. and yet, somehow, she seems to know me the best. she tells me everything i wont admit to myself. straight up. not sugar-coated. and thats what i need. because i dont really get things when people sugar-coat. i find that pointless. i think she knows me better than i know myself. and she called me yesterday becuase she needed some twin-time. so we talked. and icant tel you how much better we both felt after we talked. and today, i needed her. i needed her a lot. and i called her and she came to my rescue. she is my hero.

and last night. i called johnathan. i swear sometimes i dont know what i would do without him. he just listens and lets me babble on and on. and i swear he isnt listening. but then, he'll interrupt and ask a question that no one else would ask about whatever im talking about. he always offers a point-of-view no one else does. as much as i tease him and whatnot, hes really one of those people that ill never forget.

and adrienne and johnathan are the only two people that know EVERYTHING right now. and thats because they are the only people i feel comfortable spilling my guts out too. the two of them knowing is perfect for me. im happy with them being the only two knowing everything.

i know you guys only want the best for me. i know that. you are my friends and i love you all very dearly, but you dont know the whole story. you are no where even close to knowing. please dont try pushing things on me. there are several big things going on that you dont realize and you dont know about. and you may never know them. but thats not because i dont love you. its just because i cant. i dont like everyone being in business. and i hate people tlking about me. however, those are both inevitable, at least at some point in life. and i accept that. and thats part of the reason why im not expaining everything to all of you. because that creates more talking. and i just dont want to deal with it anymore. i hope you guys arent mad at me. and that you dont hate me. because i really do love you guys.

on a better note, things are looking up. way up. and im excited. <33

dont know what the crap im gonna do.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 21:57:49 GMT

i. dont. know.
about. anything.
anymore. whatsoever.

the one person i wanna talk to is grounded.
and that sucks majorly.
because i need her.
she is the only one that gets it.
yes, she is the only one.
sorry.

grr.
whatever.

<33

ahhhhh. yayyy. <3333

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 00:42:49 GMT

so, today, ahh.
i loved it. for real.

came in early.
talked with my twin.
aaahhh. wonderful in itself.
met melissa and went to daly's.
our board looks awesome by the way. ;)

first period.
nothing wonderful.
but i was happy.

second period.
austin, leslie, cris and gaby.
they. are. amazing.
i just wanted to let you know.

third period.
my word of the day= shimmering. :D
because, i like it.
and shimmery stuff. <33
another easy day in there.

fourth period.
i understand sine//cosine//&&tangent.
and cosecant//secant//cotangent.
i think.
and unit circle is effin easy.
yaayyy for easy grade. :)

lunch.
ahhh.
yeah, me and nina rock.
in case you didnt know.
hahah. <3333

fifth period.
more triangle stuff for me :)
and a LOVELY note from melissa.
<33 ahh. yyaaaayyyyy. :D

sixth period.
actually, a good song. :)
and richard drank a 2 liter at lunch.
wtf. i find that quite humorous.
and, bybee isnt as funny as he thinks he is.
or likes to think he is.

i love how great today was.
all things considered.
ehh, too bad you dont know.
heh. sucks for you.

and one of my language arts vocabulary words is ecstatic.
and i love that word. <33
it makes me happy. :)

anyways.
iloveyou.

cant help falling in love with you

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 20:55:54 GMT

so i love how you ruin everything.
how in the world do you always manage this?
i dont freakin understand.
but you know what. whatever.

so christmas was pretty good.
i really love my family.
and i love being with them.

and i love how i spent the ENTIRE day texting you.
because it was fun. :) <33
250//300 texts all to you kid.
haha. hope your are happy. :P

christmas dinner at my gramas tonight.
yay for more family time.
really dont get enough of that sometimes.
i love my little munchkins.
because they make me happy. <33

so i really need to talk to you.
only i dont want to bring this up.
because im too scared of hurting you.
well, of hurting you again. :\
because i always seem to mess things up.
and i dont want to.
but i wanna be happy too.
grr. freakin amazing, right?

anyways.
i hope everyone christmas was fabulous.

xxoo<33

there is only so much pain that one teenage girl's heart can take

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 01:57:29 GMT

so i finished the perks of being a wallflower.
and idk. i just dont feel as changed, or as moved, or as much love for it as everyone else did.
maybe it was because i had heard that it was so good so many times.
when i finished it, i was just like, oh, its over? well, ok.. so anyways.
i just felt like it kinda ended.
i dont really know.
maybe ill read it again.
maybe itll make more sense then.

so this break,
well, thats what its been.
i havent really done anything.
feels like i just took a break from everything.
and, well, everyone. =(

the only thing i have really done is go to kristin's.
which, i must say, is always awesome.
we watched tv and played with left over wrapping paper.
fell asleep and were woken up by her brother tickling us and his friend mike.
went downstairs and we all got on the couch and watched movies and fell asleep.
woke up and ate.
watched napoleon dynamite and just hung out.
ben came over later and we all just hung out on the couch.
lots of fun at that house. =)

other than that, i read perks and i am almost done with the sudoku book liz gave me thursday? :D i have about 50 left. :( i guess ill go back to doing my other book of them. hahhhahaah. <333

ohhh. and i cant forget to tell you that i talked to adrienne. and yaaaayyyy. =) made me happy. because i love her. and shes amazing. and we rock each others lives. basically. yeah. good times. we are the fantabulous twins. heck yesss. i love her. <3333333333

anyways,
<3 HaPPy HoLiDaYs <3
<3<3 i love you <3<3

so i finally figured out what my life is about.

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 19:21:55 GMT

so i love my mom.
because she told me everything i needed to know.
and im pretty sure this is how she sees me.

i am "nothing" like her.
i have failed at everything ive ever tried.
or done for that matter.
i suck at life.
and i have no purpose.
i will never be able to do anything right.
and i should just stop trying.
im not worth anything.
because i screw everything up.
despite how simple the task should really be.
i will never amount to anything.
thats only because i am incompetent.
im not perfect.
and thats only because i cant mock her perfectly.
but thats okay.
i dont want to mock her. i dont want to be like my mother at all really.
who the hell would want to be my mother?
if you do, you are no more of a sorry person than she is.
and i completely mean that.

im tired of her.
im tired of not being perfect.
of being yelled at it for it.
of being a completely stupid person to her.
i hate that she doesnt listen to me.
she'll never see me as me.
because she is too busy trying to make me someone im not.
and i know it kills her that i wont be who she wants me to be.
i spend so much effort trying to be who i am because she doesnt accept it.
and ninety percent of the time i want to give up.
im tired of fighting for me.
but i know that one day it will be worth it.
and one day ill get my way and i can prove to her that she doesnt always get thngis the way she wants them.
and thats going to kill her.
maybe then she'll learn.

so who's house do i get to stay at for the rest of the break. ;)

Give me your hands. they're cold as ice.

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 02:46:23 GMT

soo...
i love christmas.
and cold weather.
and when it gets icy outside.

monday and tuesday werent so bad.
just lots of reviewing.

wednesday: us. history and language arts finals.
us history--failed like always. ended up with an 82. :) and im happy with that.
language arts--no idea. :\

thursday: german II and trig.
german II-- no idea. hopefully i got at least a 90 to keep my A. doubt it though. :\
trig-- no idea :\ she didnt post after 5th like she said she would. but i couldnt get an A and if i got a zero i would have an 81. so i know its a B of some sort. not too bad i guess.

today: physics and band.
physics--dont think it was as hard as i tohught it would be. actaully think i didnt a lot better than ive done on at the other tests. probably didnt pass but whatever. hopefully it wont drop my grade.
band. whatever. i get an A in there. wahoo.

power went out thursday for 12? hours at my house.
its so annoying. they never remember to turn ours back on. so we have to call all the effing time. >:O so me my mom and cierra we to look at lights, shopping [[for clothes for christmas]], and dinner.

then today we went shopping again to get some other things. and dinner. and to get our checks. and whatever.

tomorrow-- little kid party in the morning\\afternoon. maybe finishing shopping afterwards. idk.

sunday--wooorrrkkkkkkkk.

monday. sleep. in. *sigh* no more school.

thank you thank you thank you
christina, melissa, liz, kyla, megan, johnathan, kristin, ashley, jeana, and adrienne.
i loved it all.
and btw: if you gave me a candle, it was lit tonight. along with the others i got. because i love them. and they smell wonderful. and i love you guys.
<3333333333

have a great winter break kids.
call me and we can hang out. :)

i have a headache. :(
hope im not getting more sick. >:O

do your ears hang low?

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 15:33:19 GMT

"Ground rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic "Five Weird Habits of Yourself" and the people who get tagged need to then write a LJ entry about their five quirky little habits as well as state the rules of this game clearly. In the end, you need to list the next five people who you want to tag."

1. on school days, if someone comes in my room, i get really mad. idk why. i just do. its like my alone time or something. i hate being bothered early in the morning like that.

2. when i get home from school, i love listening to my stereo in my room. sometimes for a couple of hours. or th rest of the day//evening//night depending.

3. i love playing with make-up and hair.

4. i love to read. but only if its something i choose. or something recommended to me.

5. i love to wrote poems. i just have to be in a mood. i cant write them off the top of my head.

so happy is good.
very very good.
this week has been really good.
not sure why, but it has.
and i wont complain.

wednesday was my favorite day.
everything happend on wednesday.
and it was completely great.
i was so happy. and i loved it.
and it carried over the rest of the week.
which was great great great.

i love free-time in band.
because i love the tubas.
they are so funny.

random people make my day.
because i love them.

christmas shopping today. :)
i love christmas.
and i already know a couple things im getting.
but thats not my fault. :P

U.S. History: kristin is my hero. she saves me in that class. i have no idea what i would do without her. be bored out of my mind probably.

Language Arts: so glad ive got austin, leslie, and gaby. they are great kids. always keep my laughing. no matter what. i can always have fun with them.

German: gosh. German I was so much better. the people were. they were stupid, but they were funny as anything. this year, its just stupid people mostly. but i manage to have fun with ashley, chris, and brittany.

Adv. Algebra and Trig: i think this is my favorite class. 1. i love math. but 2. the east wing is awwesommmeee. not even gonna lie. carlos, arch, and lauren are my favorites though. i tlak to them evvvverrrydaayyyy. we jsut have lots of fun.

Lunch: its different this year. there are days where its just kinda like ok, this is lunch and these are the people i sit with. and then there are days where we have so much fun and i love it. those girls are amazing regardless though.

Physics: hate that class. but i love melissa and dale. and thats about it. i dont care much about anyone else really. im just bored with it. nothing in that class interests me. i cant help it. in my other classes, there is SOMETHING that makes me do it. theres no motivation for me in there. maybe next semester?

Band: crazy kids. i get to hang out with english. and david. because hes cool. and richard. too bad he broke his thumb and cant play. theres goes a lot of my entertainment. and the tubas. because they love me :)

i miss my world history group in the bad of reeves class.
i miss my twin in alg II. and our notes. my candy-man :( bobby and my teacher's sarcasm. and all the making-fun of people that happened.
i miss my la teacher. because she didnt care what we did. and the boys in that class made it sooo much more fun.
i miss chemistry. and how easy it was.
i miss christina in german I. and will. even matt bunn. it sucks without the 3 of them. :\
i miss brenden in band. and the things he did to the asian kid. and lakeisha and rolisha. they were funny kids.

i miss marching band.
or maybe just the people.
the people i dont get to hang out with as much now.
the people i dont see because of it being gone.

and i miss being with my old group.
i miss my friendships with my old group.
i miss the strength of them really.
knowing they are there for me, and such.
im still here for them,
but it doesnt seem they know that.
i feel like maybe they think i have betrayed them or something.
and i dont think i did.
but i still feel they feel this way.
and in a way, i feel that pushes me out some.
or because i think this, i push myself away a little.
and lean more on my other friends. but i dont know.
just things i thought about alst night.

but i love my new groups too.
i can be the different things that make me.. me with them.
and its great.

ahh. this year is so different.
and this semester went by pretty fast actually.
oh well.

i love you.

let me love you.

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 23:32:25 GMT

ok. so.
this week has been super good.
really. :D

only monday and tuesday at school.
and that was awesome.

wednesday-nothing great.
slept in.
and was just lazy.

thursday-got up and went to kristin's.
hung around and helped clean and get ready for the night.
meet her family [most of them, again :)]
met some family friends.
and then we ate.
went around all the tables and said what we were thankful for.
i had never done that, but it was really cute.
then went downstairs and played video games with the comrie kiddos and the richard kiddos.
very cool.
DDR with four people on one dance pad eaching covering on of the arrows is amazing.
and the second player on the controller.
ahhh. just awesome.
then looked at band pictures for a while.
then me and kritsin stayed up and talked.

friday-hung out and then left for the mall with the cousins.
great fun just walking around.
shakes and fries. yumm-maaay!!
then ame home.
and played with alysia a little.

saturday-came to work to baby-sit
and yeah. thats it.

anyways.

i realized at kristin's how much i have to be grateful for.
even though my family isnt as close as kristin's, we all still love each other.
and i tihnk more so than anything, we just dont say it enough.
and we take each other for granted.

and i love being 17.
just being at school with my friends.
and able to do what i want [within limits]
and just be me.
and figure out who i am
and what i want to be.
i think i take that, as well as a lot of thing, for granted.
which is very unfortunate, because im so much more fortunate than i realize.
i have a family, friends, education, job, and i can be who i want to be.
a lot of people cant do that.
and idk.
i think my goal this year is going to be more grateful.
and just, be happy, with what i DO have and not so much what i WANT.
because thats more important. the things i do have.

but ok,
im done.
love you kidds.

i feel like a grown-up.

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 23:48:17 GMT

saturday,
i spent most of the day//evening with kristin.
gosh.
i love that girl.
we were supposed to work on our us history project,
but we decided against it.
and she showed me pictures on her computer.
it was great.
then we [her brother included] went to carly and carmen's birthday par-tay.
the whole way there we bugged chris,
about nothing.
ahh. tons of fun.
i wish they would adopt me. hah.
it would be awesome. :D
hung out with band kids and other random friends of the martins.
had lots of fun nonetheless.

worked sunday.
not too bad.
did my trig.
and didnt do my essay.
or study.
heh. w//e

so, today,
my head was elsewhere.
and i still cant figure out where it has been all day.

got my class ring.
and i like it.
its cute.
and has hearts.
and has a star thing in the stone.
and its silver.
ahh. i like it.
and as naynuh said,
"it makes me feel grown-up."
and shes right. definitely.
like liz said,
we have our letter jackets
and no one else can really get a ring.
its so weird. i actually feel like an upperclass[wo]man.
i mean, ive known i was all year,
and yeah, ive taken advantage of it sometimes,
but now, i feel it.
and its crazy.

and a year and a half until graduation.
=O how crazy.
it sounds like a lot but,
it seems like theres not enough time to do anything.
i kinda wanna be a freshmen so i "have four more years" or whatever we said that made it seem so far away.
but then again, there's so much good to look forward to.
and i cant wait. too bad, at the same time, i can wait.

thanksgiving.
i=going to the comrie's.
and hanging out with louie sometime.
and gosh knows what else.
hopefully, lots of fun stuff though.

but ok.
im done blabbering.
:D

tons of love.

i. love. hugs. a lot. :D

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 23:26:24 GMT

my goodness.
today was seriously a good day.
i felt soooo amazing.
i really felt beautiful.
and its not because of the highlights.
or the millions of comments.
i just felt it.
and ive never really felt it.
today, it was something in me.
i wish i felt that way more often.
idk. i was just more confident too.
it was really nice.

so, you want to hear about my amazing day?
i know you do.

before first. i saw josh in the storage room. and he hugged me and was like "they hurt you!! they hurt you!!" and just went on and on about how my hairdresser hurt me b/c i have highlights. and it made me laugh. ahh. it was great.
us history: got my test postponed until tomorrow.
and my project is due monday now instead of tomorrow.
la: didnt have to present my group story thing. :D
german: got to partner with chris. [which never happens]
trig: arch's and jewel's reactions. they were awesome.
physics: ehh. whatever.
band: josh still flips out about how i "got hurt" and hm. actually a pretty decent day in there. :)

key club was ok.
that effin girl talks too much though.
but it was fun.
especially riding home with kristin and lizzie.

oh. and class rings on monday.
woot.
who's excited.
yepp! thats me! :D

and you know what.
i. am. so. proud. of. you.
seriously.
that just.. made me smile.
i dont think ive ever been more proud of you.
and, it was something for yourself.
something you decided.
and that was a big decision.
you just had to make it for yourself.
im glad you are happy again.
and. gosh. i love you. a lot.

kidd.
i miss you.
its not been the same anymore.
and that makes me sad. :\
not sure whats going on.

anyways.
got a hug today that's not typical.
and it made me smile.
along with all the others.
because i am in love with hugs. :)

tons and tons of love.
because love is amazing.

he aint yo man. hes yo baby daddddy.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 01:21:08 GMT

so im going to update about indy.
because i know you are all dying to know.
for me, indy was.. amazing.
despite a few negative things and people.
i still managed to have a great time.

i think a majority of the reason is i WANTED to have a good time.
and i promised adrienne, and myself, i would.
and i really wanted to keep that.
and i made a huge effort to.
even though i had to FORCE myself to sometimes,
i kept my promise.
very happy about that.

the bus ride there was great.
tons of fun with kristin, brittany, andrea, jeana, johnathan, morgan, afua, and erica.
they are all just so.. awesome.
and i had a great time spending the ride there with them.
which later resulted in lots of time with them.

lunch and dinner thursday.
crazy. like i expected.
lunch with the girls.
left the table early b/c i was tired of negativity.
didnt want to listen to it b/c i didnt want to become negative. b/c of my promise. :)
dinner: once again hung out with the ladies on the bus.
because they are that amazing.
and i love them.

the hotel: it wasnt as screwed up as i thought it was.
while i did wish i was with who i had originally wanted to be with, i realized that in a way my room was a little better.
i realized that some of the people i used to hang out with have become so negative, and thats what i wasnt surrounding myself with.
and my room didnt really have much of that.
more of just aggravation from little tihngs that all worked out ok.
although i did wish i had roomed with the ladies on my bus.
it was so bad. so no real big complaints there.

friday: breakfast. get ready. leave. warm-up. im told that "we arent expected to make finals so we need to focus" by an asshole we refer to as a section leader. performed. not my best. lots of crying. lunch with the ladies. practice as a ghetto high school which turned out not so bad. then dinner and stadium. didnt make semis. lots of crying and hugs. finally felt like an entire band. sleep.

saturday: mall. watched bands. toooooooooons of fun.
drive home: talked to kristin for a while. then we fell asleep. stopped and had to get off. grr. then got home.

sunday. home alone most of the day. slept and did sudokus. :D and that was about it. :) no homework. heh.

today. grr.
too much effin make-up work.
bblllaaahhhh.
whatever.

tired of negativity.
and my typical group of friends is becoming just that.
i guess thats why im putting myself away form them and closer to other people.
or maybe jsut away from more megative people.
and into more positive people.
or something like that.
i just know im not going to surround myself around that negativity.

and what i heard this weekend,
i hope you dont actually do.
because thats stupid.
and just as immature as the other things going on.

anyways.
getting mah hurr did wednesday.
yay!

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 01:32:15 GMT

its not that i dont love you.
its that i want to come first for now.
i try to keep everyone in front of me.
because i love you AAALLLLL.
and you guys being happy is something VERY important to me.
but right now, i want some me time.
i want to sort my crap out and try to be happy.
or at least be happier.

i feel like lately ive been kinda.. easily annoyed.
and distant. and not caring. inconsiderate.

and lately,
i feel like im not happy with anything.
its like im complaining all the time.
nothing is good enough for me anymore.
im becoming one of those people that is never satisfied.
and i hate that.
im always the person trying to get others to look on the bright side.
and now i cant. and i hate it. a lot. a lot. a lot.

ok. thats enough.
dont feel like typing about that anymore.

last night.
i had to write a poem.
and i did.
and it made me happy.
too bad i have to read it to the class.
totally not doing that tomorrow.
someone else can read mine.

and talking to you.
i love it.
for real.
it makes me smile.
always.
no matter what.
too bad it seems like you are one of the few to make me happy now.

i hate that i still feel this way.
and that i cant just let it go.
its annoying.
but i cant help how i feel.

oh.
and i love how you just forgot about me.
you just turned right around and went on your merry little way.
have a great life.
i. feel. so. fucking. loved.
im just so unworthy, right?
thanks. i appreciate it.
you made my day.
hah. right.

and you were mad at me?
why the hell didnt you come to me?
i thought thats what friends were for.
and i told you, if you have a problem with me,
to come to me and talk to me about it.
but of course, you didnt.
instead, you just left.
thanks for caring.
im almost sorry i ever did.

new memo.
i love being used.
no no for real.
because being used doesnt piss me off at all.
everyone should totally try it.
i dare you.

you know,
im glad you can talk to me.
but the fact that you were so excited about what you told me.
i wish you would have realized how much that killed me.
my heart completely sank.
too bad im nice and didnt ruin your effing happiness.
i seriously hope your happy.
that would make one of us.

and the fact that my dad didnt call on my birthday.
and the only reason was because he didnt send the $$ he said he would when he called for my sisters birthday.
thats the one thing my mom is a stickler about with him.
if its a b-day or christmas or something, he better call.
so on the 4th (my sis's b-day) he calls.
money is going in the mail the next day or whatever.
and of course, it doesnt.
so 11 days later. its my birthday. and there is no moeny.
therefore meaning, i dont get a phone call.
so i was like mom, he never called.
and she was like thats because he never sent money. [like im stupid]
and i was like i know, but still.
and shes like oh well.
i was like =O its my effing birthday.
but of course i dont say anything.
she doesnt need to know that hurt me.
because she doesnt care.
out of all his shit,
i think this is the most painful.

whatever.
screw all this.

i wanna be amazing like you.

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 00:56:33 GMT

sorry.
no cut.
get over it. :P

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? walkway to my grandparents house. :\
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? not much
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO? most anything.
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 9.07 am
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? someone to talk to.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES? being little.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? oh gosh. no idea. :\ my pictures. i love them.
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? the mango lotion my twin gave me. it smells B-E-A-U-TIFUL! not even kidding.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? not really.
11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW: know that i love you. very much. remember the good stuff about me. :) lol.
12. THE LAST PERSON WHO MAKE YOU CRY? no comment.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? curve.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? typically dark. other than that, it doesnt matter much.
15. WHERE IS THE MOST RANDOM PLACE YOU CAN THINK YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT? uh. idk
16. DO YOU LIKE PORN? no.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? uh. idk. ask people i know..
20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE? kinda greman.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX) hersheys kisses
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? i cant help who i fall in love with.. so yeah.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? tell them. or do something really special for them.
30. WRITE A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? 3
31. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES? uh. idc.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? my moms.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? people who lie.
34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? yes
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY? working.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? dont want it.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? nothing better to do.
42. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA? pepperoni.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? idk.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? it JUST passed.
45. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING BLOOD? really gross.
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nope.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? sometimes.
48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? uh. idk. depends.
49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? not too long ago.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? riiiiiiiiiiight.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? ham
52. ANY BAD HABITS? you tell me.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? iiiiiiiii like my cds thank you very much.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? i guess
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? maybe one or two
56. DO LOOKS MATTER? not really.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? when i get angry/frustrated sometimes i cry. or listen to music. or something.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? the quattro's prolly.
59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? hah. riiiiiiiiight.
61. WHAT CLASS IN SHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS? physics.
62. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yeah i guess.
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? i cant even say that.. hah.
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? no
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? personality. humor. trust. honestly. that good stuff.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? mainly tel.
67. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? yep
68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? not typically.
69. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS? depends on what.
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? cookies and cream prolly.
71. What is your sign? libra
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? oh gosh. lots of them.
73.HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? havent had them taken out.. so all of them.
74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? a certian person:)
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? dont care
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? tv.
77. LAST THING YOU ATE? pizza
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? dont remember.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? eyes and smile
80. DO YOU LOVE THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS? yep
81. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? not bad.
82. FAVORITE DRINK? smoothies
83. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? dk.
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? football and gymnastics.
85. HAIR COLOR? black
86. EYE COLOR? brown
87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? nope
88. SIBLINGS? yes.
89. FAVORITE MONTH? octber. birthday. halloween. competitions.
90. FAVORITE FOOD? chinese
91. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? the ring and saw.
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? new years. or fourth of july.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? more or less.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER? depends.
95. HUGS OR KISSES? both
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? relationships
97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? idk
98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? dont care.
99. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? clue. monopoly. all the little kidd games. :)
100. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? i didnt. but i watched movies.
101. FAVORITE SMELLS? my mango lotion from my twin. and all the other good smelly stuff.
102. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? recently, its been.. stupid alarm clock.

so. lots of stuff.

i have an 84 in us history.
hoorah.
mos def mos def.

language arts grade prolly dropped a full ten or so points.
but whatever.
im not worried about it yet.

german is.
not the same.
but its not bad either.
i still laugh, so its good.
and oktoberfest.
hahhah. fun stuff.

i heart trig.
hah. or maybe its just because of the people.
and i like math.
just not geometry.
dont know what id do without carlos, lauren and arch everyday.

yay for no webassign.
like, seriously.
and dale.
gosh. ive missed him.
too bad i feel like a horrible person for laughing at the stuff he says.

ahh. richard.
him and josh.
they are just.. funny.
crazy kids in band.
got to love em though.

friday=game=fun.
bus ride was cool.
i love roger.
and colin isnt so bad.
saturday=practice=ok.
saturday night=kellys=fabulous.
[[i heart charlie gahagan- :)]]
sunday=work=humorous.

today there was this boy that came for brunch.
and he was deaf.
and idk. he was just really sweet.
and he made me smile.
but then i realized how ungrateful i can be.
and idk. it was just one of those times you cant describe.
you just have to feel it.

and to you.
i really hope that what i did.
or caused and ruined for you and him.
didnt make you hate me.
or get mad at me.
i wanted to protect you.
and thats the only way i knew how.
i HAD to talk to him.
i didnt want you be hurt again.
and even more than you were/are before.
and i know, this is twice.
and thats sounds really bad.
but i swear, its not to my benefit.
and i hope you never once have thought that.
its to yours.
im only looking out for you.
because i care. always.

and you.
im sorry for waht you are going through.
and while i may not know exactly whats going on,
you can still trust me. always.
i know you are having some trust issues with some people,
but im one of the few you can trust.
dont forget im here for you.

we need to hang out.
super bad.
ugh.
we havent in so long.
we've got some catching up to do.
and i know some tihngs are bothering you.
but im here. dont forget me.

and you missy.
i freaking miss you.
we are mos def getting together.
soon.
in three weeks, pick ANY day.
and its ALL us girlie.
i promise.
this time, its not getting messed up because of band.
or anything else. promise.
i love you. :D

so i finally realized how little of marching band is actually left.
while two weeks is considered both and long and short time period,
i cant decide what it is.
for me, its both.
there is so little time.
and it feel like we have so much left to do.
like there should be more one competition and 2 boas
[yes i know we had more. but they were cancelled]
and there are only the practices left.
its incredible how much time we spend on that field,
yet sometimes it doenst seem like we spent enough.
and a lot of the people im marching band,
are really just my marching friends.
because thats really my only time to talk to them.
and throughout the year, i find myself wishing i had them to talk to.
so idecided this year, im going to talk to them all year.
and not just hey whats up.
maybe i wont feel so alone then.

i hate feeling alone.
yet ive basically been surrounded by people lately.
but i feel so distant still.
and i hate it.
grr.
whatever i guess though.

and its annoying me that you dont see things.
and they are just.. so clear.
right in front of you're face and you dont see it.
maybe ill make you a big huge flashing sign.
maybe you'll realize some things.

it sucks that you are so.. you.
and i cant help but love you.
as much as you piss me off,
and do crap that i dont like,
i still love you to death.
but yet again.. w//e.
its not worth waiting for anymore.
and im glad i realized it.

i hate all these emotions.
someitmes i wish i didnt have any.
im so tired of feeling everything.
and anything.
sometimes i wish i could be as heartless and emotionless as you seem.

and a lot of stuff has been added to chase's crosses.
thats probably because it was his birthday.
its hard to believe that he should have been 17 a week and a half ago.

love. love. love.

my friends are absolutely... amazing? yes. they are.

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 17:27:39 GMT

my birthday was.. hm? incredible?
i think incredible is a good word for it.

woke up early.
went to school.
got a balloon from jeana.
and M&M's. YESSSSS!
then. i got a balloon from bryan.
and a card. YAAAAYYYYY!
i was kinda bummed we had practice.
but we ended up doing really well.
so its good.
then went to melissa's to shower before i had to volunteer.
and i worked on physics.
gosh. i did some for myself.
very awesome.
then she brought me back to school.
got chased by kristin.
because she tried to give me money.
and i wouldnt take it.
[[it ended up in my case. :\]]
went and hung out with a BAZILLION AMAZING people throughout the day: nina, melissa, kyla, liz, chris, matt, jeana, bryan, arch, brittany, kristin, morgan, johnathan, matt, bryan, carlos, fishsticks, tim, prosser, nick, megan, bill, eric, afua, amber, carly, carmen and im sorry if i forgot you.
took a picture with melissa and nina for my birthday. :)
escorted dacula with mrs. beck, tim, eric and prosser.
that was lots of fun.
lots of running around for them. mainly tim and prosser though. :\
walked around for a while with johnathan and megan.
megan bought me a cake. YUUUMMMMMM.
and johnathan bought me a burger fries and drink.
gosh. that was really nice of him.
ok. later.
the show.
it was really good.
or so i thought.
and awards. w//e.
after went to arbys.
me nina matt chris liz megan kyla and jeana.
throwing fries and spitting ice and playing with sauce.
see what happens when you hang out with a bunch of 16-yr-olds. =-O
oh gosh. im the oldest of all of them. hahahha
i officially feel old now.
and me and nina sticking our head out on the way home.
and singing.
and just being us.

so. my birthday.
just lots of time with my friends.
and it was great.
got THREE message-grams.
thank you kidds. :)
got HUNDREDS of "you're old"
got a TRILLION hugs.
and a KAJILLION happy birthdays.
yay for my birthday.
and ZILLION thanks.
seriously.
ALL of you were amazing.
you dont understand how awesome you made my day.

i love you guys so much.

ive been gone since friday. :D

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 13:54:18 GMT

hm.
so homecoming '05.
it was good.
but there are definately some moments id give back.
but most of them,
id keep.
mos def mos def.

friday.
me and jeana went to the mall and ate.
then we met kristin, morgan, and lizzie.
we decided to go to a movie for my birthday.
we saw corpse bride.
and gosh.
i love that movie.
it was great.
then went to nina's.
on the way, we saw josh at bruster's.
so we stopped for a minute.
then hung out at nina's for a little while with her, melissa, kyla, and daniel.
great fun. and a while of bashing.
ahh. greatness.
then spent the night with jeana.
ahh. tons of fun. :D
and her brother's room.
no comment. :X
anyways.
stayed up til 4.30.

then woke up at 11.
layed around all day saturday.
except for CHINESE :)
waited til about 4 to get ready. :D
went to naynah's.
all the ladies continued getting ready//came.
took a bazillion pictures.
no. literally.
ok. maybe a couple hundred.
but still. :P
then dinner.
could have lived without a coupe things there.
but dinner with josh, kristin, chris, lizzie, kyla, naynuh, daniel, nathaniel, melissa, megan, chatham, and jeana can be... interesting.
saw brandi, morgan, and heather there.
then the dance.
i saw some real hott people.
it was great.
adrienne, kelly, chris, liz, matt, shannon, johnathan[[happy birthday kidd.]], thomas, emily, carly, lauren, chyna, kristen, andrea, kevin, afua, clenesia, bryce, dale, kristen e, kathryn, kaitlyn, trevor, erin, brittany, austin, bunny, khirey, nick, amanda, melissa, gaby, kevin s, cris, ashley c, simran, richard, drake, alex, sydney, ashley, and holly. they were all totally hott. and i cant think of anyone else really. [[couple people werent there... and it made me sad. you guys would have been hott. :P i know it.]]
took a pictures.
because i have a secret.
but anyways.. it was hott.
hopefully. lol.
"lots of attitude"
then.. the night at melissa's.
beat nathaniel in pool.
nathaniel beat daniel?
then laid under the pool table with naynuh, jeana and daniel for a couple hours while everyone else watched a movie.
great fun.
then everyone crashed.
and woke up real early.
and now im home.

ahh.
i dont think this stamp is gonna come offfff.

tons of love.

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 22:48:17 GMT

1. i'll respond with something random about you.
2. i'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. i'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. i'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. i'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. i'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. i'll ask you something that i've always wondered about you.
8. if i do this for you, you must post this on your journal. you MUST. it is written.

oh gosh.

i=going to homecoming.
and im very excited.
::sigh::

and my birthday.
its in ten days.
and ill be at eni all day.
escorting and stuff.
and yes. i am happy about that.

we know our whole show.
yay. very excited.

and random stupid things make me really happy.
like texting texting for a couple hours.
and talking to josh online and on the phone.
and saying random things to andrea from josh.
and talking to kristin all of 1st period.
and josh winning a video game.
and talking to trombones during practice.
and laughing at people in german club.
and seeing will in german.
and laughing at everyone on mix-match day.
and on 70s disco day.
and shopping with andrea, jeana, afua, and clenesia.
and the name game in key club.
and me and kevin repeating it during practice.
and talking to carlos lauren and arch in math.
and trying not to laugh at dale when hes making fun of this girl.
and never doing anything for science fair.
and buying a shoe. everytime those boys come in 1st period.

oh gosh.
thats enough.

oh. and i love how wrong you are.
like you are oh so wrong.

and i miss my twin.
and im mad i kept forgetting to call so we could make shirts and stuff.
grr.
maybe for my birthday we can be twins?
heh. :]

and i miss the way we were friends before.
all the hanging out we did.
and the laughs.
and just... all of it.
it seems so much better than now.
but i guess theres an enormous part thats my fault.
eff eff eff.
i should try to fix it.
but there so much other stuff i need to do.
but my friends are more important.
so why does it feel like they are lllaaassst.

maybe homecoming will help.

anyways.
im out.

love love
love love love
lovelovelove
lovelove
love

promise me forever

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 23:29:26 GMT

so.
the last few days have been great.
full of big huge happy happenings.

friday=game.
and we won.
and thats big to begin with.
got to sit with nick and steven.
and kristin and morgan and brittany.
and talked to nina, liz, and megan.
and kicked nina lots.
saw the Quattros during 3rd.
met the Comrie family.
saw my twin. :D
gosh. finally.
met clenesia.
and yeah.
just tons of fun.
oh. and no school monday and tuesday.

saturday=practice.
not too bad.
but then i got annoyed with band people.
and was ready to leave.
but i got to talk to andrea most of lunch.
and that was really good.
went home with the Comries.
me and chris were supposed to fight,
but he had to leave.
went to miss kristins birthday party.
and it was wonderful.
and yes. great stuff.

sunday=worked. not to bad i guess.

monday=baby-sat.
it was cute.

today=homecoming stuff.
me andrea and jeana.
and then afua and clenesia came later.
and it was just lots of fun.
ALL FIVE OF US FOUND DRESSES.
yeah. thats amazing.
and i got earrings and a necklace.
shoes and bracelets left.
basically.
would have had a test today.
and now i dont. :D

and i had raviolis.
gosh.
those are amazing.
you have no idea.

and now.
i have homework.
grr. w///e.

love love and love.

i still love you.

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 20:18:24 GMT

so today=good.
a lot better than i thought.
one freakin year.
but im ok with that.
and thats good.
and happy birthday miss comrie.
you=marvelous. :)

List ten things that make you happy, and then tag 5 friends to do the same:

1. my friends. because i love them. and they can always make me smile. and they are amazing. and we have the best times. and the best memories. even through the bad days. i loooooooove them. the most. :D

2. alysia. because shes so cute. and so funny. and such an individual. with her own personality. and attitude. even when she mocks me and my mom and whoever. and she looks up to me. she wears my shoes and tries to sing with me and wear my clothes. just knowing someone looks up to you like that.. its really.. different. and really makes me want to be a better person, because i know shes watching everything i do.

3. marching band. its so frustrating. but i love the challenge. and i love the people. on most days. and i love the response from the home crowd[directors, family, seniors, all of them]. because they are the only ones that really matter. making them happy because they support us more than anyone else. and yeah.

4. competitions. just the ride. the hotel rooms. random places we go--like the zoo and mall. and seeing everyone else perform. and us performing. and feeling amazing afterwards. all your hard work. its out there. to be judged. but knowing the result is going to be great. and sharing that with a couple hundred people is awesome.

5. music. all kinds. just the way it makes you feel. and singing. even though i dont do it well. at all. its just fun. and its relaxing. and music is good. very good.

6. writing. poems. getting all my feelings and emotions out. expressing who i am. its a stress reliever. and i love reading it. it makes me think. and laugh. and feel tons of different feelings. i just lvoe it.

7. chocolate. point said.

8. my new freshmen friends. because they are so crazy. and when they see me, they're like CHANTEL! and idk. it just makes me smile. they're so cute.

9. having different "groups" or maybe i should say "types"? of friends. [[yes this is different from 1]] they all bring out different sides of me [in a good way]. so i can talk to about whatever, so i know i can trust, some are jsut fun to hang with or talk to, some just being in the same room and being silent is the best, some i dance with, but all of them, id die for.

10. my family. as much as they piss me off. and as much as i complain and bitch. i love them. they have helped to mold me into who i am just as my friends have. i know we all get annoyed, but i know they love me.

who should i tag?
hmm.
kristin, elizabeth, lauren, jeana, kyla.

[[sorry if you've already been tagged.]]

im going to be mad if the altos arent beside me.

we should sing happy birthday to kristin tonight. :)

ohh. and party at the schutters on my birthday. hah.
and matt is telling me aobut no school monday and tuesday to consever energy? kinda cool. and scary too. which would mean no exhibition. grr. that would suck.

.i.wanna.go.to.homecoming.
[[[[[i think]]]]]

and me and adrienne are gonna be twins.
and that rocks!!

love love love

cartel+car+Elizabeth=amazing

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 02:42:39 GMT

so.
tonight.
made me really happy.

me and lizzie went to the mall to get kristin's birthday present.
aaaaaand.
we looked at dresses.
and i found this one.
and its really pretty.
and turquoise-ish bule.
and sheer-ish.
and in hot topic..
i saw these earrings.
and they matched.
and i was really excited.

i want to go back.
and get them.
and wear it nowwwwww.
::sigh::

geez.
i feel like a real girly girl now.
gosh. i hope i can go.
with that dress.
and those earrings.

gosh.
good good good.

i left my phone in lizzies car.
ill get it tomorrow.

75 is us history.
77 in physics.
they're coming up.

:) :D

love.

Love Til It Hurts. Laugh Til You Cry

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 20:53:56 GMT

theres just so much to say.
and so many emotions.
and so many things going on.

im grounded.
and that sucks.
effin physics and history.
grr. whatev.
i just need to work really hard this week.
so i can go to kristin's birthday party.
i feel so bad that i cant go unless they come up.
i promised and my mom already said i could.
and now i cant. grrr. but im going to try.
really hard.

and i cant get you off my mind.
it been like 4 months since you said all of that.
and things have changed this much.
and i hate it.
i wanna go back to that.
because things just seemed right.
or maybe they were wrong.
and i just wanted it so bad i couldnt see it.
i hate feeling like i need you.
or maybe i just want you to need me.
either way, it sucks.
i cant help being so jealous seeing you and your new g/f.
because ive wanted to be her for so long.
and at times, i still do.
because i know i love you more than any other girl could.
despite what everyone says about you.
i know how great you are.

what he said still bothers me sometimes.
but im trying.
i just.. dont take to that well.
and idk.
i just hate that he would say something so serious to me.
but whatever.
i guess its over.

i dont want her to hurt you.
because that would kill me.
but i hope everything works out.
because it makes my day to know you are happy.

i love talking to austin in la.
he was my best friend in kindergarten.
and ive always wondered what hes like now.
and now i get to know.
hes crazy. for real.
and amazing of course.

the game.
was good.
and pretty fun.
but i still wish i had got to sit with the altos.
so me and kristin could have sat with nick and steven.
because they are cool freshmen.
and i love them already. :)
next game, mos def. sitting with them and kristin.

and i need adrienne back.
not even kidding.
because we dont have a class together
i cant talk to her.
and there is nothing like talking through a whole class period.
the phone and internet and notes just dont do it justice.

ohhh.
i didnt get a schedule in math.
yay for still having my class.
id miss lauren.
and carlos.
and arch.
and jewel.
and cailey far too much.
:)
too bad cailey got moved.
she was too funny. :\

and it sucks that im grounded.
no lizzies for the night.
and no dress looking.
grr.
whatev.
maybe a different day.

but im glad alysia is here today.
i miss my girl.
and my little man was here earlier.
7 weeks old and too cute already.

and i swear there was a lot more to this entry.
i just forgot.
sorry.

i love you.

ohh. and my birthday is totally in 4 weeks.
yeeeesssssss.:)